And my opinions about them:
1. Cats- HATE (dogs>>cats any day)
2. Comic Books- LOVE
3. Flannel Pajama Pants- LOVE (wearing them now?)
4. Wooly Christopods- FAKE
5. Mushrooms- HATE (Hello, poison. My name is Mara)
6. Snargle Pipes- FAKE
7. Flaming Lips- LOVE (the band, not the awkward/painful situation)
8. Romantic Comedies- HATEHATEHATE
9. Spicy Tuna Rolls- LOVE (mmm)
10. Hydrogen-Powered Snowboots- FAKE (for now…)
My roommate hid a foreign indentured servant in my closet for 4 weeks while I was sick with mono and got fired. I’m stuck with her for 18 months on a lease now. FML.
The only people I offend are dumbasses.
Oh, I’m sorry. Did you find that offensive? INTERESTING.
Nothing less than a dead bolt on your bedroom door is going to cut it.
Shit.
It’s quite hard to avoid people all the time (but definitely worth it). However, even I realize that being alone can easily turn into being bored. So what do I do to prevent myself from getting to the point of watching Debra Messing miniseries? I’m glad you asked! Here are a few of my favorite sites:
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Also I watch a LOT of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
So when you attempt a hermit lifestyle (and aren’t reading my wise words), those will give you something to do. I’m always looking for new stuff too, so if you have any suggestions let me know… unless they have to do with puppies of any kind.
-Mara
This year looks like it’s going to suck even more than the last. I didn’t realize that was possible.
The following are the 10 best selling 2008 singles according to ITunes (which, as we all know, seems to be God these days). I think they accurately represent most of what’s wrong with our generation.
1. Leona Lewis – “Bleeding Love”
2. Coldplay – “Viva La Vida”
3. Flo Rida featuring T-Pain – “Low”
4. Katy Perry – “I Kissed a Girl”
5. Rihanna – “Disturbia”
6. Lil Wayne with Static Major – “Lollipop”
7. Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown – “No Air”
8. Natasha Bedingfield – “Pocketful of Sunshine”
9. Sara Bareilles – “Love Song”
10. Rihanna – “Don’t Stop the Music”
7 pop songs, 2 hip-hop, and 1 measly alternative represented by Coldplay??? Where’s the Fleet Foxes, or the Ting Tings, or Radiohead? Unfortunately the world’s rise in idiots seems to be directly related to its rise in terrible music. I’m speechless… speechless and depressed.
There were some good films this year. There were many more awful ones. And then there were those select movies that exceeded every expectation in both how horrible they were and how well they did at the box office. Folks, I give you my top 5 most unacceptable 2008 box office successes:
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull- $ 317,023,851. The temple was a fucking spaceship! Enough said.
2. Mamma Mia!- $143,762,955. Above and beyond the terrible acting, campy dance sequences, and shirtless Colin Firth dancing up on some random guy, the real beauty of this film comes with its premise. Some British chicks just said “Let’s create a formulaic plot around a group of songs by an artist. But not just any artist! ABBA! That’ll be solid gold.” In line with this, I’ve decided to write my own musical based on countless classic A-ha hits… yeah it’ll pretty much just be “Take on Me” sung 12 different ways…
3. You Don’t Mess With the Zohan- $100,018,837. This movie sullies Adam Sandler’s good name. I mean, his most recent films have all been comic masterpieces! I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, Click, The Longest Yard, 50 First Dates, Anger Management… Oh who am I kidding? Adam Sandler hasn’t been funny this milennium, which makes Zohan’s success all the more intolorable.
4. Beverly Hills Chihuahua- $92,719,916. This may just be the most perplexing box office win of the year. I can, in theory, understand movies making money that have a built-in fan base of an awesome trilogy, or a tacky musical, or even Adam Sandler. WHAT BUILT IN FAN BASE IS THERE FOR DIGITAL CHIHUAHUAS? World, be ashamed.
5. High School Musical 3: Senior Year- $89,444,242. Speaking of tacky musicals AND trilogies! If you don’t know it already, here is Disney’s formula for a tween hit: Take one wholly trite idea, make it even more trite, repeat, repeat again, and voila! an incredibly lucrative franchise that won’t quit! I feel sad to be a human.
